Or at least that’s what I thought when I first discovered the word “hermit” as a child.

That was before I discovered the wonders of the internet and email.

Now I don’t know. I still live a very isolated life but it isn’t like I don’t like lengthy conversations about whatever is interesting because I do.  But I hate the little things – I hate introductions, I hate greetings, I hate manners and I really hate fake politeness.  I can tell when you are faking it. Please stop – it’s driving me insane.

In elementary school I never really had any “normal” friends within my peer group and outside my “special” class. In high school, I never made any new friends period.

I’ve haven’t made a friend since I was in grade 5 or so. I haven’t had a close friend since maybe early high school (grade 9 or 10). I do occasionally see a friend from my elementary school days, but I really feel that we have drifted far apart since.

I’m not even sure what friends are anymore and I laugh when people assume I have friends (plural). It seems like a ludicrous idea to me now. It’s even funnier if they think I have friends within my peer group. I know people often take friends for granted, but I’m so isolated from even the notion of “friends” that I’m not even sure what they are anymore. Most of the things I know about friends is from fiction. Likewise, I hate the message of “friendship is the best thing” yadda yadda yadda. It’s not. I don’t have friends so shut up about that.

I still joke about being a hermit – maybe in some shack in the middle of the woods with my pony. But I probably won’t be a hermit.

I’m just not quite sure what I would be…

 

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