Well, not literally a life without people.

But close enough.

Outside of my family, I’ve had very little daily interaction with other people. I’ve never really interacted with my peers. We always seemed to be at different points of reality, as if we were occupying different dimensions in the same space.

It was always like this, to some extant. But it got worse during high school. It seemed that the gap was widening and widening to the point that we’re completely unconnected. But I never connected well with my peers. It seems that I get along better with people who are older or younger than myself. Somehow, both groups were more willing to talk to me but not those from my own age group.

I can be annoying anyone who is not me. I have a snarky sense that annoys people but I find greatly amusing – I’m pretty proud of my snarky replies sometimes (maybe I should contain to scripts or something). But not no one can complain about “I’m amazed you have friends you’re so annoying” because I don’t have friends. I’m not that sure if I want close friends.  They’re too hard to get. Too complicated. Life is simpler without managing relationships of all or any kinds.

For the most part, I’ve lived my life almost without people from the outside world. I don’t even know what friends are anymore…they are almost abstractions to me. I hear they exist but I don’t really know what they are.  It’s like my version of dark matter or something!

I’m fascinated by “life without people” and “creatures of the far future” speculative documentaries and um…semi-fiction (I guess?).

But I don’t know. I guess I don’t like people. Or at least, people I don’t know. Maybe it gets lonely sometimes and very disconnecting but I can’t imagine it any other way.

Also, I did a few online personality tests (Myers-Briggs) and whatever I did and whatever test I tried, I wound up as INTJ (Introverted Intuitive Thinking Judging…so I guess I’m a INTJ. Apparently they are thinkers. But I suck as a scientist (me and math) and um….yeah. I sometimes score 100% introvert. And part of the it is due to that fact that I’m an overthinker. Although, I have not been around people enough really really know if being around people actually sucks energy from me so I’m not always 100% if I’m an introvert since I really don’t have great social skills…

Because I live in a life without people sort of (I sound like I’m living in the future!), some of the questions are unanswerable to me such as the ones about parties (I don’t go to parties and you can’t drag me to one) and friends groups (I haven’t worked in groups and I don’t have friends).

I did look into librarian stuff though…but a master’s degree is hard to get into and library tech doesn’t pay very well. Jobs aren’t that plentiful either and most of them can’t be done remotely. I also don’t want to work with the public.

I don’t know what I want to do. Sometimes I wish I can go off into a mystical land without people. Or math, because you know, I suck at math. (Why does all my personality tests point to programming when I suck at math? I tried JavaScript and didn’t get it! HTML/CSS is fine….programming? I don’t know about that one. Which is also why I’m not sure what I want to do!)