Wading in Thick Water

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I’m wading.

But the water is thick and the current is strong. Stronger than blood, pulsating and giving life. But here at the shore, it is much the same. The tides may come and go but it’s as normal as the sun rising and falling, back into the depths of the horizons from where it came.

I stay close to the shore because I am too afraid to venture further into deep water. I fear that if I venture further, the  current would  sweep me up and pull me underwater. Always on the verge on drowning before I would give in and flow with the current and never returning to the surface.

But the shore seems to be more of the same. Every day.

I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know where I am. I don’t know anything at all.

Knee-deep in stagnant water.

But afraid to venture deeper.

Brutally, hilariously honest* answers to job interview questions

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*some details regarding the company are made up. As well as the persona to an extent…parts of me are there for sure but not all… (in real life I am near fixated on weaknesses…but for this purpose, I am much more arrogant haha!)

  1. Tell me about yourself – use key skills needed for job –

I like purple, ponies and pacing annoyingly back and forth and round and round. I am lazy and ineffective but an effective weirdo. I can be either frustratingly passive or extremely demanding.I am also good at getting right in other people’s way at the most inconvenient time.

  1. What interested you about the position

I need money.

  1. What do you know about our organization?

I have heard that your company was directly or indirectly responsible for the destruction of the Amazon, the great barrier reefs and and poor factory conditions offshore where workers keep dying. I have also heard that your company has been charged twice within the last year for white collar crimes and have the highest record of recalls within the last decade  Plus, your company has been one of the principal contributors to the Great Pacific Garbage Patch, the depletion of the ozone layer and carbon emissions contributing to climate change.

  1. What is your experience with this type of work?

What type of work? I’ve heard nothing about that type of work. What do they do?

  1. What are your strengths?

I am honest.

  1. What is a weakness? (what areas would you like professional development in?)

I am too awesome.

  1. Why did you leave your last position?

The people were annoying.

Also, I got fired. I am not sure why. The boss said something about “being unsuitable in this work environment”. My coworkers mentioned something about being an “arrogant ass”….but I’m not sure why that’s a problem because so called “asses” are very intelligent, beautiful and humorous creatures. Really, they are some of the most smart, sturdy and hardy equines.

  1. Tell me about a time when you worked under pressure and met a deadline

I looked at the time and date and realized the deadline is about to pass. There was no way I was going to get it done so I looked to the sky and braced myself for the apocalypse with raining flames and everything but nothing happened. I waited for the next day and it still didn’t happen!  But maybe I was just lucky there…

Although there was that whooshing sound… *

  1. Tell me about a time when you handled a conflict at work

I yelled at the person, stormed away and refused to speak to that person for 3 months and gave death glares during that time. I wanted to put the person’s office supplies in jello but that was too much work so I just duct taped and superglued everything instead so it was marginally operable. I also covered all the office furniture with foil. I wanted to do other things too but I didn’t have time..

I was tempted to put a garbage can (empty or fill, clean or not, whatever) over the person’s head  and march away but wisely refrained myself from doing so.

  1. Do you have any questions?

Why do you ask vague and stupid questions?

Can I have this as a questionnaire instead?

Or an exam?

Can it be a take-home exam?

Why is it that night falls but day breaks?

Would you rather fight 100 duck-sized horses or 1 horse-sized duck?

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*allusion to this quote

Made for comedic purposes. Also an attempt to get my silliness out of my system lol.

Also, the last one question (horse-sized duck or duck-sized horses) is actually a popular internet meme….lots of “ask me anythings” type of Q&As (especially on Reddit and Youtube vlogs) involve it…yes, it involves hypothetical horses but I didn’t make up that one!

Things I learned from photographing at a horse show

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Things I learned from photographing at a horse show (casually, I am no pro….yet lol)

1) You cannot catch everything. They are moving too fast for you to zoom in and be there at every step. (Thus, if you do want everything you’ll need multiple people to catch everything)

2) Use the sequence shooting/continuous shooting mode. That way you’ll have several photos fractions of a second part and can chose which ones you like.

3) Prefocus so you don’t have to worry about the autofocus thinking. If you exposure controls are a bit clunky (like mine), use a auto or semi-automatic mode. You will not be able to fix the exposure when the time counts anyway!

4) With continuous shooting, hold down that shutter button as the horse goes over the jump, keeping your framing in mind. Don’t be shy. Ride through it with the shutter!

5) Plan ahead…wait for the horse to come to you because attempting to “chase” the horse doesn’t work as well…for me. Plant your camera at a jump…you should be able to hear the horse approach. Hold down the shutter once you see the horse in your frame.

HOWEVER, there is a disadvantage to this technique. If something else happens while not at THAT jump, you’re out of luck. If they bail out on the horse before then, you’re out of luck.

Some photos here on my Facebook (post is set to public) and my Flickr account is inundated with them)

Things I did not learn while photographing at a horse show: Publishing blog posts on time #waywaybehind!

Is this the right Path? Or am I wasting my time?

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Sometimes you need to stop and figure out what you are doing, where are you are going and how to get there and then realize you may need to change paths.

It feels like I’m wasting my time, wasting my life for now TWO whole semesters. That’s 8 months. I have done nothing in those 8 months. Well, pretty darn close to nothing when you consider all the volunteer things I may have tried but have not really come through.

I had the feeling that this path may be premature to start with, which is why I originally planned on going back to school right away. But there were other issues with that and I couldn’t get it together. Other forces were pushing for the job thing.  So I tried the job route. There was some promise, but ultimately it feels like it hasn’t been working out. Maybe I’ll admit that I can be part of the blame too – somehow, I’m sure, in my unwillingness to change. I don’t know what to do about that. I think my net is wide enough (writing AND all digital media + publishing) but maybe it isn’t.

Besides, based on today it seems like nearly everyone is either mad with me, annoyed with me or scared of me. Yes, seriously on the last one. I’m barely 5′ on  a good day with shoes on and the hairdresser (as I found out today) and my family doctor is scared of me (for immunizations) because they can’t handle the reactions (if I were a horse I’ll be one of those “explosive reactive” types).

I’m still waiting for replies on two potentially significant volunteer positions. But I don’t know if that’ll ever happen. Maybe I weirded them out too much already. Maybe I’m not worthy enough. I don’t know.

I’m not sure if this road is worth pursuing  right now or at least worth pursuing solely on it’s own. I’ve also thought about pursuing a barn job or work exchange arrangement more seriously to secure riding and horses in my life, but to be honest I’m not sure if I’m good enough and I’m not sure if anyone will be willing to start me off slow or not.

So today, I’m considering going back to school again. I am not willing to waste another year doing nothing. When I’m in school, I can still be searching for work and even work part-time and many programs have internships.  Aside from the fact that the program I want is of course currently full (registration is almost a year in advance so I knew that) and the other, similar (and cheaper) program at another school has been axed. So I don’t even know what I would do anyway.

I feel like I’m at the end of this road. There’s nothing here. Time to go back to another road… Unless that changes soon.  Yep, I’ve hit a valley….

ETA: Apparently this was or the title was “hilariously inappropriate” as a screenshot for blog portion of my portfolio