Why? Because I have no experince with Drupal or Joomla. And WordPress is better at media management. Drupal sounds really hard to theme or customize theme. Joomla…I don’t know. Either way, Joomla and Drupal are harder and the documentation is slightly less.
WordPress is not the best. Developers say it’s too bloated, it’s slow and there’s a bunch of security issues. Some hate the finicky and constant updates – and a habit of it randomly going down…
I myself have had WordPress sites go down due to plugins that didn’t agree with it (oops), terrible “programming” from my part (I should learn PHP…) , an half assed update (it updated halfway and then stopped and failed….I did learn to update it manually which was shockingly easy!!) and I had a site go down due to hacking (I install security software on most now).
Having always lived in Vancouver. I was always aware of the seasons, how they changed bit by bit, month to month. Fall, Winter, Spring, Summer…or more like Fall and Spring :-P.
But it’s only the last two years or so that I have become more keenly away of the seasons. As they shift, fade into one another. As you can no longer deny the passing as time as the leaves fall, trees are bare, buds form, blossom and leaf.
2 years ago, I was in the beginning of my last university term. It wasn’t even a full term since I only took 2 classes.
Each day leads to the another day, seamlessly flowing into another as time somehow marches by.
That used to disturb me. It used to bother me that I was getting older (I’m now 25) but not really achieving anything. I still live at home. I’m still not independent. Forget a career, I never had a job ever and well….I don’t know. I still don’t know how I’m going to afford my expensive hobbies (why expensive hobbies?! Grrr!). But for the time being, I guess it is not meant to be….
Those things haven’t changed. They haven’t changed at all. But I’m somehow less disturbed by it. I’ve found steps towards change way too overwhelming.
How could someone be so utterly unready for just about anything? I don’t know but somehow I managed to do just that.
The desperation for progress has been replaced by apathy? I don’t know.
I’ve been here before. In a way. But it’s different this time. It’s like the opposite of last time in (in 2008 which was a completely different situation but also a time of transition in some ways) so many, many ways except the end result in the same: living in a state of mere apathetic existence. It took me a few years to finally get out of that last time but I had no support at the time. Fortunately, my life was fairly structured at the time and I had no need to grow.
I’m finding it difficult to do anything else, anything beyond the confines of what I deem comfortable. I know I SHOULD do something but I don’t actually want to do anything. I don’t really know why exactly. But it is. I barely leave home.
As if all the issues bubbling under, on and above the surface came back to haunt me big time. It feels like I could create barriers to run into by just breathing. Seriously.
Just my presence seems to throw any seemingly straightforward plan into complete disarray! Usually when I fail to do something…I don’t know. It often ends with me freaking out to some extent or whatever.
My days pass: pacing, sleeping, existing.
Somewhere in-between. It’s a familiar place for me. I’ve always struggled to find anywhere for me, trapped between worlds. Neither low-functioning to have a lot of services or programs yet unable to cope with the “real world” (either I don’t have the social skills or I’m not independent enough/find it too overwhelming or all of the above).
I am not sure when I’ll exist the funk (or if, but oh god I hope I do…this kinda sucks 🙁 ).
Things are slowly getting better. Things are slowly solidifying. I’m starting to find things to grasp onto, that I’ll hopefully keep holding onto even as the storm passes. Horses have been good. I somehow manage keep my shit together when on or around a horse even though I can’t seem to do it in just about anything else. I’ve even manage to ride little issues out like a real rider on a real horse instead of freaking out myself – despite the fact that I’m kind of losing it in all other aspects of my simultaneously wonderfully and horribly stagnant life.
But horses are expensive. And hard to get to. So I can’t ride that much :-(. But for now it’s enough to keep me sane, keep me grounded. I am increasingly starting to think that if it wasn’t for horses, I would have completely lost it by now. Even though I am struggling with various issues (some of them a little larger than I thought…) now, I still have some motivation to move froward. Without horses, I’m not sure if I would have that.
Too many things end with me freaking out. No wonder I’m drawn to the masters of freaking out: horses. :-P. To be fair, it’s pretty hard to freak and run away when the horse under you is doing it for you, pretty much! (Although I seem to be able to keep my shit together with horses this time around which wasn’t the case in 2008. Like I said, opposite. In 2008, wasn’t freaking out about the rest of my non-horsy life – I just didn’t care despite that I did decide that the canter was suddenly scary for no reason…and I didn’t care much.).
I’ve also gotten stuck in a cycle of procrastinating too…
I don’t know. Maybe I’m just stuck in general…..
For now I still few like a lost child. Except I’m a grown-up that can’t seem to do any grown-up things at the moment….
I don’t canter THAT much but for some reason it seems like a lot of footage is of canter… Also the jump here was the first jump since 2008! (I don’t usually jump because I am a chicken). Also disclaimer: there is a giant eye in this lol! 😛 I don’t find it freaky….
The footage came from a variety of sources hence the highly variable quailty. It’s also not chronological because I don’t know….lazy editing 😛 . Maybe another time.
Yes, the Tony is the SAME Tony. He’s a magical colour changing grey horse! (He’s probably white now…)
Oh and yes, the minis have names: Spot, Shadow and Winterhawk but I’m not sure in which order.
Main Footage taken at 3 main barns: Greystone Stables, Country Lane Farm and Pony Pals Stables (all Delta). Additional footage/stills taken at Tiny Tales/4 Seasons Equestrian, Emerald Stables (Langley) and somewhere in High Point in Langley (trail ride).
Footage/Photos taken by: my mom, Leora, Catherine, Kim, Trisha and me.
All horses in this video: Tulla, Tony, Czar, Shorty, Sparkles, Ray. Minis (Spot, Shadow, Winterhawk), Remmy (still only), Pilgrim (still only – that 1 trail ride).
Sometimes it has a lot to do with what I’m doing, sometimes it doesn’t. A few are personal, most have probably been seen before. 2 photos per month seem to show the best. Well, except I wanted to stick a snow photo in November but….oh well. Some months I had a lot of photos to choose from, others, less so.
2014. It was weird. This was the first full year out of school. This is a full year in limbo, with very little structure. There were quite a few highs but there were also a few somewhat disastrous things and lows. Some things proved way more complicated/harder then it seemed.
This is the first full year I had my current camera (I got it spring 2013) and also the first year I had access to an additional zoom lens with a bit more reach.
**Now with some links to albums with photos from the same shoot to case you wanted to go down a time wasting rabbit hole…occasionally sort of literally :-P. It’s more the recent photos with linked albums – mostly with pruned down albums. Sort of. .**
January 4th, 2014 – sunset
January 26, 2014 – Czar & his buddy. I think that might have been last time I attempted to ride Czar….the grey
I actually have no photos from my camera!!! So these are actually all photos off my phone….
February 6, 2014 – Lego robot from the Specialisterne Lego Mindstorms Workshop. I did not progress past this phase for the Specialisterne/SAP pilot project. (Get your mind out of the gutter when it comes to robot parts, it’s a scanner ok? 😛 ) [phone photo]
February 9th, 2014 – Chinese New Year Lantern Festival – Year of the Horse! (I rode little that month though as my coach was away and such…). With random kid… [phone photo]
Didn’t take a ton of photos in March either…
March 5, 2014 – Libby at Pony Pals takes a little nap (ignore the poo pile….)
March 12, 2014 – Driving to Pony Pals we see….
April 11, 2014 – Lucky shot “As the Crow Flies”
April 27, 2014 – trees in blossom
May 12, 2014 – Toys by Eric (BACI project) photo shoot. It was supposed to be done quite some time before….long story…done with some (but not a ton of) support from BACI’s BEST Employment.
May 21, 2014. Eagle on the stupid Iona Beach jetty. Also learned what kind of bag you don’t want to wear with your camera gear while walking for 8km (4km each direction, it’s not like you can take a shortcut once at the other end) on a strip of whatever that never ends.
June 1st, 2014 – a horse and rider competes at the Purica Recovery EQ World Cup Qualifier FEI** at Thunderbird Show Park (went to watch with my coach)
August 24, 2014 – warmblood foals at Country Lane Farm
I was actually pretty literally lame in September so it was amazing I have any photos at all! Hence most were towards the end of the month. I was kind of stuck on the couch for most of the month…
September 21, 2014 – family’s ash scattering ceremony for my grandfather who died earlier that month (he was 81). Edited photo (obviously). It was a toss up between this photo and the photo of my family gathering around (and strangely smiling…?).
September 24, 2014 – the minis at Tiny Tales Pony Rescue (these minis are not rescues though) enjoy some carrots. [phone photo] Shadow is in the middle, Spot and Winterhawk are on the side? To be honest I haven’t quite figured out who is who. Used my phone since I didn’t bring my camera.
The two Sams are not related despite their name and colouring 😛 .
November 15, 2014 – One of the many stills I took (I took both behind the scenes video and stills that day though) during the Graffiti PSA shoot with Frames Film Project. It’s almost impossible to find a photo with most of the crew in it (or cast and crew in it…) so in the end, I chose a photo of the slate lol. Too many photos!!
Well, I did get photos for every month of the year at least….
Unless indicated all photos are shot with an Olympus PEN micro four thirds camera. Phone photos taken with an Nexus 4.
Edit – BONUS!
All ready for the New Year with the 2009 Horse Calendar that is still there* , 2015 Tiny Tales Pony Rescue Society Calendar and 2015 Horse Lovers’ Calendar (the small one). The 2015 ones were given to me (one for Xmas). Despite that I haven’t used paper calendars of any sort since like 2008. I had no calendars last year and now I have 3…
*Now that it’s 2015, the 2009 calendars work again! (except for Easter and maybe a few other holidays that don’t match, most of the major ones do..). Yes, that’s my justification for the 2009 horse calendar that’s still on my wall – since 2009 Not that I actually use paper calendars anyway – I mostly use Google Calendar.
So, now at New Years Eve, Christmas is over once again.
I used to like Christmas. I used to eagerly await the decorations, the lights, the stockings, the presents and fervently wish for snow where the green Christmas is the norm. But now it seems that Christmas just another day, perhaps another family gathering at the most.
I have memories of decorating the Christmas tree a few weeks before Christmas – hauling that increasingly ancient fake tree with permanent tinsel, putting it together and than decorating haphazardly with blinking and non-blinking lights, actual decorations and ugly childhood decorations. I have even fonder memories of sitting in my grandparents’ living room staring at the Christmas tree aglow, mesmerized. (Although I had a phase when I didn’t like any blinking lights and my dad managed to get the star to stop blinking for me).
But it’s all over now.
We don’t personally have a tree or anything even though I wanted one for years.
None of my grandmothers’ places (one for 24th and 25th) had holiday decor of any kind. On Christmas day, I also got to listen to my cousin’s list of grievance (well, just one grievance,, really, repeatedly)
The magic has gone. That’s for sure. I no longer hear the bells ring. I no longer am fascinated by the lights.
It’s just another day.
It wouldn’t surprise me if I just became another day – my family ties are not the strongest and the likelihood of me gaining a close friend ore something is low. For my mom’s side of the family at least, it’s like they might as well not exist.
I still want a damn Christmas Tree. I want to put purple lights on it and decorate it with my horsy ornaments and such.