Jennego
Rambling and Things

Posts Tagged with dreams

What Keeps Me Going

Photo edited by me but not taken by me. Me & Sparkles. June 2014.

This is what keeps me at going, I guess. Or at least attempting to move forward.

Even though there’s no certainty. Even though I’m not sure if my dreams can come true. Even if there is no promise at the end. Even though it may never happen.
But the possibility of my dreams….to even go halfway….it would be enough.

My outlandish dream is to own a horse. Of course I’m not even sure that is remotely possible myself. My more realistic and shorter term goal is See the rest of the post →

The Paradox of Progress

I want progress, but I am also terrified of it! I want things to change, but I don’t want to change.

I discovered that this past week, resulting in somewhat of a mid-week crisis. I don’t know. It’s all just very confusing and conflicting still.

In general I am not a huge fan of change. Yet, I’m tired of continuously going nowhere. Things are finally starting to happen for me – as I wanted. But I did not expect how overwhelming it could be – when I’ve barely started. But even talk of Telephone Dragons and Teamwork Dragons are enough See the rest of the post →

Breaking Away

Well, not literal wars, thankfully. More like imagined ones to me.

The last two weeks have been crazy. It all started on July 25 with a splat with my employment service. Initially, it started with a dispute about paying for a criminal record check BEFORE anything was or is secured (I have still yet to hear back about that one by the way and I’m STILL peeved about that!!) and just just spiraled out of control from there. Things were already sort of going not so well and it just got worse. In the end, I had little faith in See the rest of the post →

A Window to My Life

This is what my life looks right now. This is the window to my future.

Everything ahead is a mass of blurred grey and other colours and the rain is all I see. The rain that never ceases.  The rain the blurs vision. The rain that just makes you wet, cold and grumpy.

I can’t see the future. The future that I imagined, the future that I dreamed for myself – is just that. A thought. A dream. No matter how big or small, realistic or unrealistic.  Meanwhile, nothing is moving. Or everything is moving. In both ways. Good and See the rest of the post →

On the Cusp of Collapse and Coming Together

Everything is of the verge of falling apart. And everything is on the verge of coming together.

But I feel the collapse imminent. It’s like what WILL happen if nothing happens. What will happen if I don’t stop it.  Somehow.

Yet, there’s hope of greater changes. I guess. Maybe one day soon, I’ll have a job (or two). Maybe one day soon, I can move out. Maybe one day soon, I can be more involved with horses and riding.

But I don’t know. There’s somehow that maybe the first two things may happen. But I don’t know when and I See the rest of the post →

Floating and Sinking

One day you’re floating. As if everything can come true. As if wishes were horses to canter along the clouds. To scoop you up and fly you to all that you ever wanted.

The next day you’re sinking. You feel the undertow dragging you down, lost in the dark water and caught drowning in the undertow. Wondering what it felt like to breathe. Again.

I’m not sure what I’m doing. Not sure what I’m here for. That all of my dreams are silly, that they’ll never come true. That it’s pointless to dream of my dressage pony (or other equid) See the rest of the post →

All of Us Dreamers

Picture: Drawn/made by me. 

I can be a dreamer. Other times I can be a pessimistic realistic. I seem to jump wildly between the two, not trusting if I am worthy enough for at least some of my short term dreams to come true. I don’t know if I’m a dreamer anymore. I don’t know if I’m a realist or a disgruntled dreamer who has spent too much time on the ground.

I can’t seem to find a happy medium.

I’m either hellbent towards every step of my plan, convinced that everything will work and everything will come true. Or See the rest of the post →

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