How to improve your dressage seat and deter “hovering”

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You can do this in one easy step!

1. kill your knee.

If you want 3 easy steps: prance, slip and plummet on a hard surface (at home to sound super stupid).

Now it’s uncomfortable to post and uncomfortable to hover and you will be forced to sit more often! Well, assuming that you have made it onto the horse anyway. Umm…

Aside from that, it’s fairly effective. No other better deterrence like pain! How come I never see anything about this technique? lol.

True story though!

A Houyhnhnm for Sale

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I amuse myself in various ways. This is one of them. This is spoof horse sales ad for a Houyhnhnm (pronounced wín-im). For those without an Literary background, the Land of Houyhnhnm is the last land from Gulliver’s Travels by Johnathan Swift. There Gulliver finds houyhnhnms, which are a breed of super intelligent, rational horses with a society based only on reason. They are very peaceful and have no word for lying or falsehood. They regard humans as dumb “yahoos” and generally disregard them. However, houyhnhnms do not feel love or happiness or grief or anything really (very non-emotional) and are racist to the point of eugenics when breeding (they breed based on what’s best for their species, not on love). Yes, it’s a satire (this is from the same guy who wrote that we-shall-eat-poor-Irish-children essay “A Modest Proposal”).

Maybe I have values dissonance (and thus, sort of missing the point) but I don’t really feel that their “human” price of their obsession for reason is that bad as it makes sense to me and it is perfectly logical.  Okay, so maybe breeding not for love seems cold – but if most of your species agreed to it and it made your species stronger – what’s the problem? Love is irreverent if it never really existed in your species.  See, I think that is the problem with humans – we are completely unable to look beyond our own values as a species/society but that is another rant for another time.  But that is probably since I don’t have a lot of human/emotional connection at all and love is just abstraction to me…or maybe I’m a Houyhnhnm is disguise!  It would explain a lot of things, really…

Oh and 1726 is the publication year of Gulliver’s Travels I think…

Background Info
Gulliver’s Travels Part IV: A Voyage to the Houyhnhnms- a Project Gutenberg ebook

Authentic Houyhnhnm

1726 16hh jet black Houyhnhnm stallion. Beautiful, sophisticated black Houyhnhnm imported from the Land of Houyhnhnms. Learns very fast and is extremely, extremely, extremely smart! Be the owner of one of the most intelligent equids…ever! Huge personality! Very honest. Never spooks, very rational. Very clean – will pick up after himself and even help clean the farm. Enjoys deep analytical, logical, philosophical discussions. Will be excellent for the disciplines of debating, logic competitions, championship chess and other logic-based strategic activities. Excellent for single philosophers, debaters, scientists, geniuses and self-proclaimed “geniuses” or anyone who enjoys intelligent engagement with a being in civil, rational ways. Fluent and literate in native language of Houyhnhnm, understands Yahoo Language (English variant) but generally does not care to speak it (though is able to). Prefers to communicate in Houyhnhnm.

Never gets attached to other herdmates. Never fights, is peaceful and nonviolent – believes everything can be solved with calm and logical thought. Is not easily distracted or moody. Detests displays of affection, finds it too primitive. Enjoys naturalistic art. For companion only – is 100% sound but constantly engages in deep logical argumentative discussions as a form of protest. For experienced people only as will get into a philosophical argument that rivals Plato every time something is asked of him. May not respect humans he does not know very well, assumes them as “yahoos”. Not to be stalled as he will scientifically and rationally figure out how to escape a barn and will be extremely cross. Not recommended for beginners, yahoos, bleeding hearts, emotional people or those who think or reason emotionally. Is ridable if one a Houyhnhnm whisperer (not to be confused with a horse whisperer) or has a IQ of 300 with exceptional arguing and logic skills who can convince him that it is perfectly logical and reasonable to have a yahoo on his back and physically exert himself. Can be gelded if you can convince him that it is a good idea – (he claims gelding is a profound inference with nature, especially for a fine genetic specimen such as himself). A great spouse replacement for an intelligent person who feels that his/her mate (or ex-mate) is irritatingly too emotional and also annoyingly not bright or logical enough.

For more information, contact Lemuel Gulliver or Johnathan Swift (by mail or in person – telegraphs, phones and the internet do not exist in their time bubble. They apologise for any inconvenience.)