Some may say I am not interested in people in general. Sort of true, but not really.
I am not interested in the following
- Greeting people
- Introducing myself
- Talking to strangers about random things that don’t matter
- Sugarcoating things
- “Being nice” purely for the sake of “being nice”
- Remembering and engaging in “manners”
- Answering greetings
- Having people look at me
- Looking people in the eye (besides for most animals it’s a threat)
- Interacting with strangers unless I’m on a mission
- Getting confused in social situations (it doesn’t have to take much for it all to go south as far as I’m concerned…)
- Engaging in social norms
Um, yeah so I’m not interested in interacting with people. But studying them can be interesting. What they say. What they do. And how my life is decidedly bland but that’s okay because socializing is a waste of time anyway (or so I think).
When I watch people or eavesdrop on them, I think of them as either characters and definitely a separate sort of being then me. They are animals. I hate it when people go “oh we’re not animals”. Yes you are. Unless you are a plant or something, you are probably an animal. Pick up your stupid homo-sapien ego and put the damn thing away. Until you either a) become some sort of bionic creature and/or b) ascend to energy based existence, you are indeed an animal. So suck it up.
The people chat idly, talking about this or that. But they are in a different existence than me.
When I was at school, I saw groups of friends sitting together – talking, laughing. Bonded. Even at the barn I would witness this. The easy-going friendship and bond that people have with each other. I never understood how this worked or happened though. How everyone around me would bond with each other while look on, alone. I’m not even sure how this begins. It’s a realm almost unfathomable to me – foreign and unknown. I know about that world. From people watching. Books. Documentaries. TV. Movies. The Internet (forums, blogs, social media). But that’s all I know.
I haven’t made a new friend since I was eleven years old. But I’m okay with that now. I barely remembered what close friends were like. I laugh when people assume that I have friends. Yes, plural and probably presumably close. But I don’t. Maybe I have a distant friend or two but otherwise, no. But I’ve never really socialized with peers that much. Why would I? They never understood me. Ever. I never really understood them. Ever.
It’s easy to say if I talked to them, then maybe I’ll have friends. Not so fast – I talked to peers when I was a young child. However the only conversation I seemed to remember in detail went something like this:
Note: I had a weird haircut which was really short but with a long “tail” at the back during that year
Girl: Oh so you’re a girl!
Girl: Oh I couldn’t tell with you hair.
Me thinking…you could have asked me?
So yes, I interacted but no, I didn’t have have friends. I think they all thought I was too weird or something. Whatever it wasn’t it didn’t jive and still doesn’t jive with me.
But people watching is way more interesting then interacting anyway – or at least, it’s easier. And it’s interesting…enough that I once missed my bus stop because I was too busy eavesdropping!
But that’s the only “real” way I know about people. I don’t interact with them enough to know stuff. Besides, most of the stuff I know about friendships and relationships are from fiction anyway.