Haha. I haven’t written here in over a month.
Why? Because I was madly busy of course. Well, actually not of course. It feels like I have simply done nothing over these past couple of weeks.
Each day just ebbs and flows one day to another, with little distinction. Sundays and Wednesdays are the only days with any distinction. But those are the only two days of a seven day week. The rest goes by in a cloud of stagnancy (one of the many words that I cannot seem to say but can totally write about).
Nothing ever seems to quite happen. People only answer emails initially and when it comes to the “action phase”, it seems to kind of unravel…and they simply do not answer.
So alright, I need a life that consists of more than leaping from Sunday to Wednesday and Wednesday to Sunday… Sunday, I ride and Wednesday, at least I do something (okay, often with horses too).
The job thing doesn’t seem to going wildly well at the moment and seems more long term. I feel like I’m unqualified for everything! Even an unpaid internship would do at this point… Ugh!
I can’t get to my current barn via transit without walking like 2km on mostly country road. I currently can’t seem to make connections at barns that are transit accessible (there are a few that are transit accessible – barns in Southlands, North Van and the one barn/club in Burnaby plus a couple in Delta and possibly Richmond) – to work (paid or work exchange…trying to contribute to the horse habit fund) or volunteer (hang out with horses). It doesn’t help that I’m not terribly qualified (yes, I like horses. No, I’m not great with horses…I haven’t even figured out how really lunge) or efficient either. On the plus side, barn stuff tends to require not a ton of social skills usually (unless someone else is using and/or has stolen your wheelbarrow and/or fork…). So yes, I have a wildly expensive hobby. I can’t seem to find a way to fund said expensive hobby. At one point I need work off a portion of my lessons but my coach has changed her focus and no longer boards horses (and teaches one day per week).
Specialisterne did not hire me and since then, the going has be slow. Oh so slow.
So I’m stuck. And I’m not sure if I’m good at anything. I wouldn’t say everything has grounded to a halt but it has come close to that!
I still have no real excuse to say why I haven’t written anything. Perhaps of falling into the lull of a seemingly never-ending vacation but not in a good way.